A Lack of Listening in a Culture of Conflict

     Many people grew up hearing the subtle instruction, “There’s a reason God gave us two ears and one mouth. It was in order that we might do twice as much listening as we do talking” (1). The principle of this simple phrase surely dawns on hearers with didactic power the first time it is heard, but the doing of this instruction is harder to come by, and the wisdom of this instruction is easily forgotten. Who can’t relate with the difficulty of learning to become as good a listener of others as one is with being a speaker to others? Proverbs 18:13 says, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Learning to listen before one talks, to hear all sides of a dispute before weighing in, and seeking to understand before being understood are all actions that need to be done effectively by a people living in community if there is any chance of living at peace with one another. These values are often taken for granted when they are present and practiced within a given community of people, but it becomes immediately evident when these practices are absent since being slow of hearing, quick in speech, and quick to anger produces conflicts between people.

     This is on display in present day American culture where the action movie mantra of “shoot first and ask questions later” has been adapted to create a conversation method of “speak first and ask questions later.” The lack of desire to listen well to one another permeates individual, familial, political, and cross-cultural relationships often with the result of misunderstanding, hasty responses, and the inability to create peace among one another. Community problems cannot be solved without good communication within that community. Furthermore, this horizontal lack of listening between Man and men speaks tellingly of the deeper issue of Man not hearing or listening to God.

     The biblical book of James addressed this very issue among first century Christians and still speaks today as God’s Word to every community in conflict. First, this articles assess the relevance of the issue of being a non-listening culture. Second it will set forth the remedy of becoming hearers of God’s Word and of one another to create a culture of peace. Finally, an ethical response to the issue based on applying the truths of James 1:19-21 will be set forth in the conclusion.

The Relevance of the Issue Today

     The issue of a lack of listening is not immediately apparent to people in wider American culture and within smaller local communities. This is not so surprising considering the recent multiplying of platforms for presenting or consuming informational content. The current generation has seen the advent of social media apps like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. It has not been infrequently suggested that these platforms when left unchecked can promote cyber-bullying, conflicts, and anger among the users. The Wall Street Journal’s investigations found that Facebook was aware that it’s own algorithms to increase user activity were actually advancing angrier user interactions, but decided not to deal with the issue because it was increasing time spent on the app by users (2). The greater opportunity for self-expression has not been matched by a growing ability to listen and respond well to others.

     News shows on television have discovered the profitability of going beyond the plain reporting of news to seeking instead pushing one side of a story, issue, or idea. The result is that often whole news programs are categorized as being partial to one political ideology or another. Commonly, little or no effort is given to hearing opposing viewpoints or different perspectives on various social issues, to give an example. Instead, the priority is given to quickly categorizing individuals voices into predetermined categories so they can be more quickly opposed in argumentation. Presumptions are quickly made, the worst often assumed, and straw-man targets are set up to be quickly deconstructed by the position that the particular television show both favors and knows its target audience will approve of. The end result is people tuning in to hear the shows that they already agree with and this further cements individuals to being non-listeners of those on the different side of an issue.

     Personal communication brings with it similar challenges. The conditioning that individuals receive from consuming content on free television and free social media apps turns out to be not so free after all. Marital, familial, and workplace conversations often experience the problem of people talking past one another, shouting over one another, or talking down to one another. Wider cultural norms can work their way into interpersonal relationships. When this kind of speech behavior prevails the following problems are present: communication break-downs, loss of clarity on the causes of problems, and corruptions from within, or what can be characterized as evil desires, are advanced by words spoken without. An example of this last problem can be seen in that it often takes a repeatedly angry person to be confronted with the fact that their anger issues with others are driven not by something wrong with others but with a problem due to themselves. The American Psychological Association suggests that anger-management treatment focus not only on addressing the external causes of conflict but the internal ones as well. Their treatment recommendations in a publication are largely self-oriented rather than others-oriented (3). Conflicts in community then go beyond words being spoken to individual desires being pursued. In summary then, when communication breaks down confusion and frustration can move in. When clarity over the cause of a problem is not reached, the problem is not accurately addressed or effectively resolved. And in the worst cases, when unrighteous words are not restrained, unrighteous anger breaks out in violent action.

     Arguably in American politics, this kind of speech behavior has come to be seen as a strength rather than a weakness. Politicians feel the temptation to rely on blistering rhetoric against opposing ideas, rather than sound reasoning to promote solutions that are good and dignified for all. Self-expression is a good, vital, and necessary activity. Silence is not the answer to the presence of conflict in our communities. Yet, self-expression alone is not providing the salvation promised by surrounding culture. The increase of speaking platforms without the increase in our listening ability has not brought more peace, but less peace in community life. An awareness of the need to put a premium back on listening well to one another is critical if there is to be peace within our communities small and large.

Stay tuned for part 2

Endnotes: 

1. A quote attributed to Epictetus a Greek Philosopher in 50-138AD. See “Epictetus Quotes.” BrainyQuote.com. BrainyMedia Inc, 2021. 18 September 2021. https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/epictetus_106298 . Accessed November 11, 2024.
2. For details of the report see: “The Facebook Files: Facebook tried to make its platform a healthier place. It got angrier instead.” The Wall Street Journal 2021, 15 September 2021. https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-algorithm-change-zuckerberg-11631654215 .  Accessed November 11, 2024.
3. See their publication titled “Controlling Anger Before It Controls You,” American Psychological Association, 2005 . https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control  . Accessed November 11, 2024.

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(citation of these sources are not endorsements by the author but simply used as reference points)